|Stubborn as a Rock|
|Summary:||Kamron expresses some concerns to Martyn.|
|Related Logs:||Martyn + Katrin (+ Rafferdy) drama.|
|Guest Suite, Four Eagles Keep|
|The sitting room of a small suite of rooms. Nice, but not too nice.|
|13 December, 289|
Kamron sent his poor still-growing squire Percival to see if Martyn can spare a few moments. While he hasn't been riding patrols of the woods, looking for missing children, he's at least cognizant of the fact that some people are, and has waited until after dark to send Percy off. With the suite he shares with his wife lit by flickering candles and lamps, the windows open against the heat of the summer, Kamron waits, almost patiently, sprawled out in a chair with his left leg crossed over his right, leaning on one arm and shaking around a couple of dice in a leather cup with his other hand.
And Martyn's had those moments to spare. Moving along the corridor and stopping outside the door, he looks around for a few moments, before he knocks on the door now. At least he's managed to get out of his armor and such, even had time to take a bath. Which might be the reason why it took a little while longer than it otherwise would have.
Kamron sets down the dice cup at the knock on the door, rising up to his feet and crossing to open the door, "Come on in, coz." He steps back away from the door to let the taller man enter and close the door behind him, moving back to his chair and gesturing over to the other seating in the room, "Have a seat." That's all light enough, but the blue-gray eyes sharpen in on his cousin as he continues, "How are you feeling?"
Letting out a bit of a breath as the door opens, Martyn offers a bit of a smile as he moves to seat himself as well, before he shrugs a little at that question. "How I'm feeling? Tired, mostly. Been some long and hard days, you know." Another brief pause, before he shrugs once more. "How about you and Saffron, cousin? Everything's going well, I hope?"
Kamron nods his head at the expressed hope, "Mistress Dorsey's wound has restricted too many check-ups, but everything seems to be going well." A ghost of a smile flickers over his lips, "So long as I am not killed by my Lady Wife before the birth of our child, that is. She does not much like restrictions, even when she agrees they're necessary." And then that subject is set aside, and the scar-faced knight crosses his left leg over his right, folding his fingers together over his stomach, "I've been hearing some worrying things about you, coz. Trying to find a way around Lord Mallister's ruling on Lady Katrin, drinking heavily, depression, Seven Above… even threats to kill yourself? What can I do to help, Martyn?"
Martyn nods a little bit as he hears Kamron's words, "I'm glad to hear things are going well," he replies, offering a bit of a smile. "And yes, getting killed by her before the birth of the child would be rather bad," he offers. As he hears the rest, he shrugs a little, expression going a bit more blank now. "And who have you been hearing these things from?" he asks, after a few moments, studying the other man carefully for the moment.
Kamron lifts one shoulder in half a shrug, then lets it fall again, "Does it matter, Martyn?" Uncrossing his legs, Kam leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs as if leaning closer to his cousin can let him engage with the other man more closely. "If they're true, does it matter who is looking out for you?" He blows out a breath, "I almost understand the first point, but you came back from the Iron Islands alive. You were saved for a reason." He makes a slightly dismissive gesture with one hand, "And I don't mean my own intervention. I mean the fact that the Seven are clearly not done with you, coz."
"What is it that you almost understand?" Martyn replies, after a few moments, shrugging a little bit again. Letting out a few deep breaths again, he adds, "And it matters." He shrugs a little bit. "As for the drinking heavily, that hasn't happened in over a month." Not since about the wedding in Highfield a while ago, although he doesn't say that out loud. Looking around the room again for a few moments now. "And I haven't threatened to kill myself."
Kamron keeps his voice low and quiet, "I understand fighting so hard for something — for someone, in this case — that you want so badly. I almost understand trying to find a way around Lord Mallister's decree to do so." Lacing his fingers together in front of his knees, he continues, "Nedra told me that you said you were considering walking off the roof. Something about the name you were given on Harlaw." Apparently, he actually listened to the words being said before, since he doesn't use that name now. "She's worried about you, coz. And so am I. I shudder to think what your sister might say about all this…"
Martyn frowns a bit as he listens. "Then don't let her know about it?" he offers to the part about his sister. "There's been a few times I was considering doing so." The walking off the roof part. A brief pause, before he offers a bit of a smile. "But I'm still here, aren't I?" A brief pause as he considers the rest. "It's not just fighting for someone I want so badly. It's for someone I need, just as I need air to breathe and food and drink," he offers, a bit quietly.
Kamron shakes his head slowly, "She's your sister, Martyn. She's family. She has a right to know what's going on in your life. But if you tell her, I certainly won't have to." Letting out a long sigh, he nods, "You're still here, and I damned well hope that's because you've still got the pride of a Mallister. We won't let the Freys get us down, and we won't let ourselves do it either." The description of Katrin causes the younger knight to sigh again, "Damn it, Martyn… we're not supposed to feel that way until well after we're married. You know that you might not be able to marry her, right? If you want to have her, it may have to be outside of wedlock, and to the ruination of your reputation — and hers."
"I know," Martyn replies to that last part. "Which is why this is a fight I will keep on fighting, until either we've found away to be together like we're supposed to, or until my last breath." A brief pause as he studies Kamron again now. "It's true that I was drinking heavily, and feeling like I was walking through a tunnel so dark that I could not see where I was, and with no end in sight. That was when I thought I had lost her forever, even as a friend. Which is the only reason I went to th Ashwood wedding a while back. I knew she was in Highfield, and I went there because I hoped to save a friendship." He trails off, looking around the room again.
Kamron draws in a long, slow breath, "You know that the fight itself might be the ruin of you both, right?" He unlaces his hands to wave that off, though, straightening up and leaning back in his chair. Immediately, his left leg crosses over his right, "There's no one else here, coz. Saffron's out for a short walk, Percy is getting his sword sharpened. So what changed? What changed at the Ashwood wedding?"
Martyn nods a bit slowly. "I know the fight *might* be," he replies, after a few moments of pause. "But I know that not taking the fight will surely be it." A brief pause, before he shrugs, "That we both still love each other, and that it's something worth fighting for. And that's lifted a whole lot of weight off my shoulders. Even if all we've had since then is a few moments of conversation every now and then." He pauses for a few moments, before he adds, "I've been invited to spend some time at Broadmoor after this siotuation her has been resolved, by the way."
Kamron leans to one side in his chair, resting his left elbow on the arm of the chair and rubbing his temple with his left hand as Martyn speaks. "And I have no doubt that Lady Katrin will be at Broadmoor too. I bet I don't need to tell you that any attempt to find time alone together will only hurt your case with Lord Mallister, coz…" Waving that off with the hand currently not massaging his temple, he adds, "We're likely to have to spend some attention on the Groves soon." Apparently, it's time for another topic, "Between Ser Kittridge's marriage to Lady Roslyn, and Ser Stafford's betrothal to Lady Aeliana, they're being drawn close to the Frey houses. It may be time to draw them back. Do you think you can help with that? Saffron and I aren't going to be able to travel as freely as before for a while."
"Well, it's Ser Perrin that invited me, since I've been helping him with this entire nightmare we're still working on resolving here," Martyn offers, before he nods a little bit. "She'll probably be there as well, that's true. And you don't need to tell me about that." A brief pause at the mention of the Groves. "I don't really know how I might be able to help with it. I don't really have that political touch like a number of you have." He considers for a few moments, before he adds, "Nedra seems to have made friends with quite a few of them, though. Including both Ser Stafford and Lady Aeliana. Perhaps she might be better suited?" Offering a bit of a smile for a few moments. "Besides, that visit to Broadmoor aside, Muirenn probably wants me to spend some more time at Heronhurst, I suppose."
Kamron laughs a little helplessly at the mention of those with political touch, "Damn… our family is in trouble if I'm one of those with a political touch." Straightening up a bit, he nods, "Nedra will definitely be useful there, but she doesn't have as much political weight as we do. I know you like to think of yourself as apolitical sometimes, coz, but you're a Mallister." A brief, crooked grin touches one corner of his lips, "And you're a hell of a lot closer to the main line than I am."
Opening his mouth as if to make a comment, Martyn just shakes his head a bit now, going silent again. Letting out another bit of a breath now, he just sighs a little. Looking completely unsure of what to say now, so he just keeps silent at the moment.
"So what is it that I can do to help you, Martyn?" Kamron remains leaned back in his chair, but sitting alertly for all that, "Not help you get around Lord Mallister's decision. Just help you. Because some of the things you said to Nedra frightened her, and they worried me. Quite a lot. You are alive for a reason, coz. And I would see you fulfil that purpose."
Martyn pauses for a few moments as he hears that. "I…" Shaking his head as he trails off again, he grimaces a bit. Looking down to the floor for the moment. "I have no idea." It's admitted a bit quietly, as he lets out a bit of a sigh. "I have absolutely no idea."
Kamron grimaces in return, "You can't live for just one thing, Martyn. You can't. There has to be more in your life than Lady Katrin. Try to better the people of the Roost, or try to make connections with the Groveses, or try to get your squire ready for knighting, or…" His hands open, a shrug from the elbows down, "Hells, I don't know. I'm no good at this. But I know that it isn't healthy to just live for one thing. I love my wife, I look forward to the birth of my child, but I also serve Lord Mallister, I'm trying to help the people of the Roost, I've been putting in some emphasis on Percy's sword-work. I don't know… just having something else to focus on when one thing isn't going well is important."
"Why does everyone always tell me what I can or can't do?" Martyn offers after a few moments of pause. Closing his eyes for a few moments now. "One thing is far better than none, at least?" Another sigh, as he leans back in his seat further. He opens his eyes again after a few moments, gaze focusing on Kamron again. "Did your sister tell you what I said? About Harlaw?" Spoken rather quietly now.
Kamron shrugs a little, "Maybe I should have said you shouldn't live for just one thing." As Harlaw bubbles its way back up to the surface, he grimaces, "She said you felt bad that you lived while others died." Straightening up in his seat, the younger knight taps his chest lightly, "Look, we all have to live with that. Every one of us. But if we don't make something of our lives, then we're insulting the memory of those who died."
Martyn grimaces further now, one hand moving up to his eyes. "No matter if she told you or not, you should know that I'm sorry for what I said…" It's offered rather quietly before he takes a few moments trying to compose himself. "I… forgive you." Looking back at the floor now.
Kamron starts to nod along, but Martyn's last comment obviously surprises him, as he blinks in confusion. "You forgive me?" There's a long moment of confused silence, and then he merely shrugs one shoulder, "For stepping in to protect my cousin? For stopping the Harlaw for killing you after he had already won the combat? If you feel you have to forgive me for that, then I thank you for your forgiveness."
It's only when he hears Kamron's words that Martyn realizes he was holding his breath. Letting it out, he looks up again, sighing a little bit. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear that," he offers a bit quietly.
Kamron is still confused, hesitating a moment before he asks, "To hear what? Me thanking you for forgiving me? Me telling you why I did it again?" One hand rises to rub at his temples again, "I'm confused, Martyn."
"I don't know," Martyn replies. "For not exploding with anger at what I said, I guess." A brief pause, before he adds, "When I was feeling I was in the worst black pits of…" Gesturing to his head for a few moments. "I sort of blamed… Nevermind…" Trailing off again now.
Kamron shrugs slightly, "Well, I think it's pretty foolish, to blame someone for stepping in to defend you. But I haven't lived through everything you have, so I don't know that I'm in any position to do more than comment idly." The young knight shakes his head slowly, "I don't know what happened to you out there, what happened inside your head, and you're still family, but the person you've become does worry me."
Martyn grimaces. "Wouldn't be the first foolish thing I've done, would it?" A brief pause as he gets to his feet, moving to look out the window now. "I worry about the person I've become as well, every now and then," he admits. Letting out a bit of a sigh, he leans out a little bit so he can look down along the wall, still making sure to be safely within the window. "Whenever I'm in her company, she makes me feel like the… the real me," he says, a bit quietly.
Kamron gives his cousin a crooked half-grin, "Wouldn't be the first foolish thing any of us have done." He doesn't seem particularly worried that the other man is leaning out his window, remaining seated in his chair, "And you don't feel that way around your sister? Or Nedra? I understand with me, since I'm undoubtedly a constant reminder of Harlaw… I thought that might be another reason that a trip to Kingsgrove might be good for you."
"True, but some of us tend to do more of them than most," Martyn replies, still looking out of the window now. "You know, people have this fear of falling from somewhere like this. But the fall won't kill you, the landing will. It's like life, I suppose. One moment you keep moving on, and things look all well, the next time, you've hit a hard surface too fast."
Kamron's half-grin spreads to a full grin at that last, "And people call me crazy for swimming down below the cliff and making sure that the water's deep enough there. Then you get the fun of the fall, and the exhiliration of the successful landing." Raising his eyebrows, he adds, "And you don't have to go through weeks or months of painful recovery after having broken both of your legs."
Martyn is unable to hold back a bit of a chuckle as he hears that. "True. Painful and boring, I suppose." A brief pause, as he looks out there again. "And if people call you crazy, then what are they saying about me?"
Kamron should probably be less blunt, but the question comes up, and he can't resist swinging at it, "They're saying that you're starting to bring shame to the Mallisters, Martyn." That went from amusing and amused to very, very serious very, very quickly.
Muirenn has submitted a new event: Erenford-Mallister Nuptial Celebration
Expression turning back to the blank one from before now, Martyn sighs a little. Keeping quiet as he looks out of the window again now, his fists clenches a bit for the moment. Taking a few deep breaths, but not saying anything for the moment.
Kamron lets the statement stand, watching his cousin quite openly as he takes in the reaction. "Well, at least that makes you angry. You should do something about that. So that people can't say it about you anymore." One shoulder rises and falls briefly, "Or you can continue on as you are. The choice is yours, coz."
"Well, I can't throw everyone off cliffs, can I?" Martyn offers with a bit of a shrug. Still looking out the window, his voice kept carefully neutral for the moment.
Kamron shakes his head, "That's not what I meant, and you damned-well know it, Martyn." Frustration touches the younger knight's voice for the first time during the conversation, his lips tightening closed over the last syllable.
Martyn shrugs a little bit, not answering Kamron for now. Fists clenching and unclenching again, as he looks around the room now.
Kamron arches an eyebrow, "Nothing?" Reaching up to rub at his scarred temple, the Mallister knight sighs again, "Go on then. If you won't let us help, there's no reason to keep talking about this."
"I want to let you help. I just don't know how," Martyn says a bit quietly. "I told you this is a fight I can't give up."
Kamron blows out yet another breath, "You are the fucking Rock of Seagard." There's a resigned sound to that, "More stubborn than the lot of us, and that's saying something." He gestures a bit with the fingers at his temple, then goes back to rubbing, "You realize this means you have two options — figure out some way to get Lord Mallister and Lord Haigh to agree to the match, or run off and disgrace both houses. If you aren't doing one or the other, you're just wasting time."
Martyn sighs a bit, "Please don't call me that, cousin." He lowers his voice a little bit as he steps over to Kamron, trying to put a hand on his shoulder. "Even if it may be true…" He sighs a little bit as he hears the part about the two options. "I'm trying to get that done. The first option, that is. I don't know how to get it done yet. But it's what we'd perfer."
Kamron shrugs one shoulder, but he doesn't try to resist the hand on his shoulder, "You may not like the name, but you're certainly stubborn enough for it." But he doesn't press the point, "Then if that's your one goal in life, you should be talking to Lord Mallister, shouldn't you? Or Lord Haigh?" One eyebrow arches a moment, "Could it be that in this search for the children you've found something worthwhile to do besides chasing Lady Katrin?"
"Stubborn enough, yes. Level-headed enough?" Martyn leaves that hanging for a few moments, before he pauses at the mention of speaking to one of the two mentioned lords. "Maybe getting some allies for such a conversation might be a good idea," he offers, after a few moments of pause. At the mention of the search, he shrugs a little bit. "Perhaps. But hopefully we will have found them soon, right?"
The mention of allies draws a shrug from Kamron, "I don't know that you're going to get many, coz. Honestly, truthfully, I don't. Your sister is already marrying down." A hard truth, perhaps, but Kam speaks it anyhow, "If Lady Katrin were one of Lord Haigh's daughters, it might benefit the House. As it is, we would be using two first cousins of Lord Mallister to connect to minor branches of vassal houses of Lord Frey. And that without any ties at all to this new branch of the Terricks, or to the Groveses."
Staying silent for a long time, Martyn offers a bit of a shrug. "Let's stay positive for now, shall we?"
Kamron groans softly, "How in the hells did I get to be the realist?" There's perhaps a little amusement in the words, "I'd blame Saffron, but I think I would come out the worst there." Waving that off, he rises, "She should be back to go to dinner soon."
"Sorry, it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it," Martyn deadpans, shaking his head a little bit. "I should get some rest soon. It will probably be another long day out there tomorrow."
Kamron reaches out to clap Martyn on the shoulder, "Do get some rest. And good luck. If you need more people to hit things, let me know. I've been trying to stay out of it thus far. It seems more like something for scouts and outriders than for me, but I'm more than happy to join in when you have a target."
"Thanks," Martyn replies, before he nods a bit. "Will do." A brief pause, before he adds, "You know, in many ways, you're like the brother I never had," he offers, before he offers a grin, a real one. "A very annoying younger brother, every now and then. Tell Saffron I said hello?" And with that, he heads out of the room, offering a bit of a smile.
Kamron shrugs his shoulders at that, "I had an annoying little sister. It's easy to immitate her. But we're family, Martyn. We have to look after each other. And I will. I'm sure she wishes you her best too."