|Not Your Usual Advice|
|Summary:||Katrin seeks out Garett, asking him for advice for an important decision. Probably wasn't the kind she was expecting.|
|Related Logs:||Ongoing Katrin/Rafferdy thing|
|Some room at an inn in Seagard|
|It's an inn room. There's table, chairs, bed, stuff like that.|
|29 June 289|
Garett and Briallyn have since moved into one of the better inns at Seagard, now that the all the festivities in town have concluded. Considering that Briallyn is now a Westerling, she doesn't have to go back to the Roost like the other Haighs. There's been slight comments about that the couple is looking to make a more permanant home in Seagard, as well as there has been a Stark seen in Garett's company. An older man who's been given nothing but respect, and a young girl, with even more rumors suggesting that she's the Westerlord's illigitmate daughter from his time as squire in Winterfell. This is given more credit due to the girl accompanying the older Stark.
But for right now, Garett's in his room, puttering over reading in a book at the table, another empty book set next to that, a quill set to a blank page. Brially is out at the moment, possbily doing…well, whatever it is that Briallyn to occupy her time.
While waiting for her escort to be ready to leave, Katrin has found herself with far too much time on her hands. As such, she has gone looking for her cousin and her new husband. It is not overly difficult to track them down. trudging up the stairs, she knocks on the door.
Never going to get any work done. Rising up from his chair, Garett moves over to open the door. Indeed, he's pretty surprised when he sees Katrin standing there. And for a moment, he's at a bit of a loss at her presence. "Lady…Katrin." he greets haphazardly, before opening the door. "Alright, what's she done now? Am I going to have to yell at her?" Who's he referring to? Probably Bri, given what he knows between the two.
A wry smile appears on Katrin's lips and she shakes her. "No, nothing of the sort, Ser Garett," she replies. "Believe it or not, I came seeking both Briallyn and yourself for advice if you might be willing to offer it." She smoothes back some of her hair and looks a little awkward. "Might I come in for a moment." She gestures to her maid. See, at least she's keeping everything formal so Bri doesn't have to murder her later on.
"Seeking me?" Garett is dubious. And surprised again. Nobody ever goes to him for advice. "I'll offer whatever advice I can, though I became used to the idea of nobody listening to it a long time ago." Stepping away, he holds the door open for Katrin and her handmaiden. "But good. I was thinkig if Bri did something to, well, to piss you off, that I'd have to do something." He gestures at the table he was previously working at. "Have a seat. What's the trouble?"
Katrin folds herself into the seat, hands clasped loosely in her lap. The maid stands in the corner, out of the way. "You and Briallyn… you two are in love." It's not a question, merely a statement of fact. "You chose to risk everything for that love. Status, reputation. All of it. Why?"
"We are." Garett confirms. But at the question, he goes quiet when he takes a seat. "That's a quiet the loaded question, Lady Katrin." he says, finger tapping against the wood. "The easy answer would be because it was worth risking everything for. I could tell you that I myself, I care little for status or reputation. Those things truly mean little to me. They're transitory things, things that cannot make us happy, they merely make our lives easier. Facets of our soceity that we accept because we don't know any better. But why?" He manages a little smile. "Because I -chose- to. Choice is so often taken away from us, for the betterment of 'family' and 'house'."
"Briallyn has always been more… willing to overlook what was expected for what she wanted to do," Katrin admits slowly. "So perhaps that is why she had less trouble in choosing to follow her heart. I envy her that ability. Ilaria and I…" She hesitates. "Well, we grew up to know that nothing was more important than our House and family. To question that now has been difficult for me." She offers Garett a faint smile. "I do apologize for my ramblings, Ser Garett."
"I have choosen to be different, Lady Katrin. I have seen the confines in which we are meant to live." Garett replies. "I live within them, yet a I defy them. Because I will not change who I am for a soceity that I don't agree with. It's probably for the best that you don't know some of my more, ahem, 'scandalous' opinions. Don't see me as heartless. Family and house matter. But in their own place and in their own time. I do not agree that people should be miserable for the sake of other's status or reptuation." He levels a stormy blue set of eyes on her. "Let me ask you this; if you had the status and reputation that your family wished for you, yet you did not have what -you- desired, do you think you'd be a truly happy person?"
Katrin looks down at the table, silent as the question is asked. "It is a question I have long asked myself, Ser Garett," she murmurs quietly. "For I find myself balancing along an edge that I know I cannot turn back from. My father has denied the betrothal offer of a man I love more than anything. We contemplated running away together but in the end, we both backed down from it. I fear what will happen if we did actually do it. But I also fear what will happen if we are forced to spend our days parted from each other."
There's a silent 'ah' expression on Garett's face. "You and Lord Rafferdy, eh?" Apparently, the knight, while disassociated from the social norms, even he still hears things. "Believe when I say I'm sorry that this is something you are forced to endure. But, this will determine the person that you'll become. And in that, I fear for you, Lady Katrin. I've seen more than my fair share of noblewoman, crushed by loss of their first love turned into bitter women, wholly and solely dedicated to the politics of their house. And that they themselves would force the very same choice you must make on the next generation. Because they weren't allowed it themselves. And thus, this part of the cycle continues. You must weigh everything in your life, the consequences that'll happen, and determine, 'is it worth it'?"
Even just the mention of the name clouds Katrin's expression. "Was it truly so obvious?" she muses to herself before sighing. "The very fact of the matter is that I believe he fears what doing this would do to me, and I fear what it would do to him. I would very much like to marry him, and spend the rest of my days with him, but not if it would mean ruining our lives and making us miserable. What would he have without his family? He never completed his squireship so he cannot even be a knight though I know it is something he would secretly want."
Garett is many things. But one thing he is the most is having the ability to spit in the face of modern convention. Because he doesn't really care all that much. "You may have to live with the idea of being called Mistress instead of Lady. You may have to live with the idea of working to live. You would be married, you would not have much, but you would be married to man you love, and there is a sense of happiness in that." Having been looking away for a moment, he looks back at Kat. "As ridiculous as the notion might be, family is not the be all, end all. He would have you. And if he loves you like he says he does, wouldn't that be enough? And if…if he needs to finish his squiring, I…" Beat. "I would consider taking him as a squire. Even if, in marrying you, he would be common knight. But he'd be a knight."
Katrin's eyes snap up and she focuses in on Garett, "Do you mean it?" she asks. "You would offer assistance in this way?" She bites at her lower lip. "I do not care so much for whether I am a lady or a mistress, but I do not know what I would do. I have no practical skills." There's a sparkle in her eyes as she seems to find it amusing. "The trials of being a lady. They teach you nothing of importance."
"That's why you learn." Garett replies. "If you're afraid of being something other than a noblewoman, than this isn't for you. If you're willing to set that aside, to be happy because -you- want to be happy. And that you did it on your own terms, what you're left with shouldn't matter. What does matter is that you're willing to accept what you have done and willing to work with whatever you've done." A hand rubs at the stubble of his jaw. "I would. I don't know how Bri feels. But if I'm allowed to be with the woman I love, how could I not for another? If you two decide that this is what you want to do, I will try to help. It does me no good, but when have I ever cared for the opinions of others?"
Katrin smiles faintly, "My House… they would wipe their hands of me and let it be done," she muses. "House Nayland would be vindictive, I fear. Do what they could to make our lives as miserable as possible. My experience with his family proves that they are unbalanced, to say the least, and at their worst, they are awful, terrible people who care only for their own agendas. I could face what would come next, but I do not know if Rafferdy is willing to." Her lips press together."
"Then you would need to somewhere that Naylands are particularly…welcome?" Garett supposes. "Not to say that they would be barred, but somewhere that they wouldn't exactly be inclined to go. Like here, in Seagard. Or the Roost. Somewhere that you wouldn't be so easily bothered. There's as well as farther away places. Like the Crag or Riverrun. And realistically?" he gestures idly. "The Naylands have more to worry about than one of their own running off to be happy. Because what was Rafferdy? The last son? Distant cousin? Something like that? Would they truly care when the Charltons seem to be so hell bent on claiming Stonebridge?" Pause. "With the rest of the Naylands so concerned over their holdings, you may have an opportunity to slip away before it's too late for anyone to try and stop you."
Katrin wrinkles her nose, "Seagard would not be an option," she muses. "Half of the Mallister family seems to hate me already and if I run off with Rafferdy, the other half will surely despise me." She chuckles softly. "I am being slowly wooed by a Mallister knight and he is a good man. I could have a good life with him, but it would not be the same as being in love with my husband."
Garett leans back in his chair. "You've really done a number on yourself, haven't you, Katrin?" he says rubbing at his brow. "I hadn't considered that, but now that I think about it…you did spend a decent amount of time with him. If you're going to do this, you have to do right by him. Let him down gracefully, respectfully. Tell him that it wouldn't be fair to marry him and yet love someone else. We all know it happens all the time, but for the majority, we just like to act like it never happens. But you need to tell him that you're already in love with someone else. But again, this comes down to what you really want and you'd be willing to live with. The life you're considering, a noble who choose to give her status? Some will look at you like a fool, others like an insult to what you were given." But he does smile. "But not me. I'd respect your courage."
Katrin looks guiltily down at her hands. "I did not mean for any of this to happen," she says in a small voice. "It is all just a political game until you begin to know these people and they get under your skin. Ser Martyn is a good man and I loathe the idea of hurting him. He knows the truth already, Ser Garett. He knows my heart belongs to Rafferdy, and that we have already spent a night together. That we very nearly ran away together once already. Yet somehow, despite all of this, he /still/ wants me for his wife. As my heart belongs to Raff, he says so his belongs to me."
"You see?" Garett jams a finger into the table. "You -see-? You see what political aspirations does to a person. You see the kind of people we can become when this happens. You wonder why some people in higher positions of power seem to have no friends? Only allies? Because they have since locked themselves away. The power, the status, the recognition is all that they crave. And for what? What kind of measure of a person is that? I'd suspect they are very much dead inside, happy with their self-imposed isolation. And -that-, Lady Katrin, why I will -never- be like them." No, this isn't hot-buttom subject with him at all. Breathing out a sigh, he shakes his head. "I know you didn't. I believe that. But if you told him how you feel, then there is nothing else that you can do but slowly seperate yourself from his life. If that is what you're planning to do. Try to prevent the damage from adding up."
"I see myself standing on that edge," Katrin muses. "So close to forever being like them. Unable to change. And that frightens me. I do not want to be heartless or so determined to be on top that it means I no longer show remorse for my actions." Her lips curve downward into a frown. "Despite my protests and trying to convince him otherwise, Martyn lingers in Seagard to ask Lord Patrek for the right to marry me." Her hands curl into fists against her legs. "And if he is given permission, I do not think I will have the heart to tell him no, even if it makes me miserable in the end."
"Then he should be a ashamed of himself for making you feel like that." Garett frowns. "For pushing you into a situation that you yourself don't want to be in. So many fathers do this to their daughters, feeling like they know best. It's wrong, but it's sadly apart of this soceity. Another reason why I rally against it. Even if it means nothing." He closes the books lightly after the ink has dried. "Katrin, it would be a shame if you did fall into the pit that so many others have. You lose something when you start considering your own personal gain. Gauging feelings, alliances, rivalries. But if that's the case, if intend on talking to Lord Patrek, you are going to need to make a decision of what you're going to do. And soon."
"He is a good man," Katrin laments. "I dislike myself for the fact that I /don't/ love him. I should." She tugs at her shortened hair, looking frustrated. "In unbiased truth, he is a better man than Rafferdy. He has never been anything but wonderful to me. Why don't I love him for that?" She scowls.
"Because we're fickle creatures." is all the reply that Garett has. "We love who we love, even if there's another option that would be just as good. But 'just as good' in different ways. There's obviously something about Rafferdy that causes you love him. Love him enough that you'd be willing to give up your title for him. Do I think you should marry Martyn? You're not wrong, he could give you much, but would you be happy? Would you fall in love with him as the years pass or would you never love him at all, only being truly happy when you sneaked away to have a night of passion with Rafferdy?"
A smile lights Katrin's lips. "He is everything to me," she says slowly. "He is passionate, adventurous, warm. When I am with him, I feel as though I could be happy by just being held in his arms. But Martyn is… kind and gentle. I feel safe when I am with him. That nothing could ever hurt me. I think… if I had enough time, and Rafferdy were not a part of my life, I could love him. If being parted from Raff did not kill me first."
"That is something you'll need to discover for yourself." Garett says, nodding. "Both men are good men, it's a sad thing that you're being put into a position like this. It isn't right. I sympathize, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm not in your place. But you. -You-, Katrin, need to do what is going to make you happy. If that means throwing yourself into the winds of chance and letting the dice fall where they may? Then do it. Do what makes -you-, -both- of you, happy."
"I do thank you for your kind words and sound advice," Katrin muses softly. "I believe I need to find Rafferdy and see him before I can make any choices. A lot depends on what I am willing to give up, but a lot also depends on what he is willing to give up. He may not be willing to risk his nobility over this." She rises to her feet and bows before Garett. "I do thank you for your assistance, Ser Garett."
"Just giving my advice, for whatever it's worth." Garett says, getting up and returning the bow. "If he still needs a knight to squire under, whatever happens, I'd consider it." But he nods. "Yes, I think you and he need to have a very lengthy discussion on what the two of you are going to do. He deserves to know about this, and of your intentions." Moving away, he turns the knob on the door. "But. Remember what I said. Don't let yourself turn into all the others. Don't kill your spirit over it. It's not worth being dead inside."
Katrin smiles, "Thank you, Ser Garett," she says again. "I will be certain to pass on your words to him next we meet. I can see why my cousin loves you so." She steps towards the door, gesturing for her maid to follow along. "I hope that our paths will cross again soon."