|Idle Thoughts Lead To Idle Words|
|Summary:||Alys' ponders in the Tordane Tower all the goings on that has her second guessing her family, her live and oddly enough the Tully and Charlton words. A journal entry.(prior to the announcement that Keegan is asking to hear answers for the capture of Alys and the rest if the family and men at arms.)|
|Alys' rooms in the Tordane Towers: Stonebridge|
|15, June 289|
Family, Duty, Honor
One would wonder if the Tullys had their words right. Family, Duty, Honor. At times I wonder what those words mean to me, and I find it hard and trying to find anything positive to say about them.
It is true that with Family one finds love, with Duty you have purpose, and with Honor you can show all what the first two mean to you for all of Westeros and perhaps beyond to see.
But what does a Tully do when Honor is ruined by the lack of want for Duty, and the distain Duty can oft bring. Ultimately this distaste for Duty can ruin love with Family. Just as easily as Greed can ruin the love between Father and Daughter.
Seven knows I love them dearly, albeit sometimes more than others. My father does what he feels is best for me, but I cannot, with any part of my heart agree with this ideal. A match that is less than worthy. An ill fated match when there are eligible heirs, and those of higher rank needing to be wedded, and I get the second son of a Haigh.
Even if my mother is of the house, I see no gains or use of the education my father lovingly bestowed upon me throughout my childhood. An education that readied me to give counsel to a lord, my husband. This is a virtue beset upon me by The Mother.
I thought he would have at least put me to counsel on my match, if he had, he might have been proud of what he would have heard. Alas, that is not the case, and I hold to a string of hope that he may yet hear what I have to say.
Seven Hells I am not the child he wishes I remain.
No father, I am not the small, clumsy, unsure child you think I am. A gentle lamb, I yet may prove to be, but I should think not one that is as ready for the slaughter as he may think. If put to task I can be both kind and ruthless. I wish he would trust me as he used to, what happened in his minds eye that changed his daughter from a strong confident young lady that would sit in on his courtly dealings, to this meek and injured fool.
He taught me well, I always have a plan, an ends to a means, but he lacks the trust and lacks the love that family is owed. Perhaps not all family, but at the very least what I thought he held for myself. The daughter he once would do anything for is now not worth the salt he puts at his table. Mayhaps I was and still wrong in that thought, and now I only suffer for it. Or perhaps I do not understand his direction and I am ever more wrong for it.
What is this thing that so many feel compelled to uphold? Why is it the love of a daughter is taken for granted and given away for what military gains as I cannot see anymore that the house can offer? Did we not gain that type of support when my father married a Haigh himself?
Even though I understand that it is My Duty to obey, does that mean I have to agree with it, can I protest, or at least try to? For the sake of happiness, pray tell, can I?
There are far too may questions as pertains to duty, none of which I can begin to comprehend or deem to know without truthfully knowing my Lord-Father's intent in this. For that I may never know.
A word I know so well, it is for this word I try to present myself as kind and compassionate as I possibly can. I hold dear the words of The Maiden. Well, to a certain extent. And I do my best to bring Honor to my house, even if it is to the detriment of my own will.
Though, now I find that honor is hard to uphold when Family and Duty have pained me so and come between me and true happiness. Outwardly I smile and laugh to those of court, inwardly I scream for answers. Privately I cannot bring myself to obey. The answers I seek are ones that even the Crone could not give her wise counsel too.
Family, Duty, Honor
Someday I will understand the Tully words, though for now I can truly and openly claim to be ever the maid. Even if I am not ever dutiful, or feel like I am not apart of my family like I used to be, I still have courtly honor, I will hold that. Perhaps I do have more years yet to live, perhaps I am more naive than I would ever like to admit.
No, I think not.
I think I am just a maiden who is, perhaps, lost to the cause of court, politics, and war. Gods help me, for it is a dangerous path I walk. Love is never easy.
Honor and Glory
Now those are words I can strive to achieve, those are words that in their own combination, hand in hand with each other and not attached to Family or Duty, those I can abide by. Having Honor, to have Glory. I will keep those words, though I could make new ones, or perhaps borrow others.
I should think Knowledge and Loyalty sounds quite nice, and work in harmony more oft than not.
Yes, I should like that very much.
Knowledge and Loyalty