Dearest Row
Dearest Row
Summary: A letter by raven, care of Eustace Rivers, The Three Keys Inn, King's Landing
Date: 16/07/2011 (OOC Date)
Related Logs: None

My dearest, darling Row,

Fond greetings from Terrick's Roost. I pray, as ever, this letter finds you well.

How wonderful that Hymn of the Dragon Queen was received so well at King's Landing — and that you've been summoned to perform at court! I, of course, have always known your talent, but my heart sings that the rest of the world has begun to recognize it, as well. Only… it makes me sad that your work is attributed to this Eustace Rivers person. I was delighted to relinquish my name, but were you? Have I taken something precious from you, or are you so happy in your new life that your name matters not at all?

People often enquire about my sister, knowing as they do that I receive so many ravens, so I speak of Rowenna and how happy she is, now. I loosely adapt your latest news and tell them how she is writing, playing, traveling the kingdoms — and in love, to boot! I told Jarod today, "Rowenna is living the life she always dreamed." I know you must be laughing now. I am so glad there's one person in the world who can appreciate that extraordinary double entendre.

Thank you for the name day wishes, my darling, but I don't mark it any longer — it's your name day I celebrate now. Perhaps you should give Eustace mine. Nonetheless… time passes however we mark it, doesn't it? I've been at Terrick's Roost four years now. Soon, if I prove myself and have found favor in the eyes of Lord Terrick, I'll be knighted Ser Rowan Nayland.

But I know who I am.

I am the person who has been deceieving everyone I've seen or spoken to since I came to this place. Does it matter that my lies were never meant… never intended to be malicious? Will they feel everything has been a lie? That they don't know me at all? I'm not close to many here, but those who've come to accept me… I imagine the betrayal in their eyes, and I want to weep.

When I came to Terrick's Roost, I was a child. I was so idealistic, so naive, I thought I could change the ways of the world and of men. I thought I would be knighted and make a grand speech about Nymeria of the Rhoyne and Visenya Targaryen… and I would serve proudly my new liege, and defend my banner to the death. But I will never be knighted, Row. I will never be a knight. When they call me to swear fealty, it will not be my name.

My name.

My moment of triumph, I know now, will also be my moment of disgrace. The day I've dreamed of all these years will be the day I lose everything. I can't stop now. And sweet Seven know I can't go back. I am swept along on this wild tide of my own making.

I should rest. I am a squire yet and a squire's day starts well before the sun. I miss you so, my darling one. I wish you were here, with your wit and your sweet, wise words. You thanked me once for saving you from our wretched family, our bleak life… but I think it was you who saved me.

Until the next raven, I remain,

Your most devoted and loving sister,